i got no time for frontin’ / i know just what i’m wantin’

I have a Gene Wolfe comic for M.

I lost it for two bits on the R train this morning. It caught me off guard for a few reasons.

First, I almost always have a fair amount of warning before anything gets debilitating.

Second, it was one of the few times my emotions got mixed up along the way. I get overwhelmed sometimes, which makes me anxious, but very rarely am I affected emotionally by default. Things like this, minor as this morning was, make me more uncomfortable than any amount of guys in suits. If I can keep a handle on my emotions, I can wade through anything perceptive. I already have no “control” over what I perceive (the same as everyone else), so being divergent in that way doesn’t bother me. Having my emotions fucked with though, not okay. I got oversensitive with Erica’s usual playfulness (which I usually love) before I realized what was going on. Bah.

Finally, I’ve been remarkably sane for the past few months, relatively speaking anyway. No suit guy. No phantom conversations. Compared to last year, it’s almost like being a real human being again. The funny thing is I’m so used to concrete fictional perceptions that I prefer them to anxiety or any sort of emotional swing most people just deal with. It’s a tradeoff, I guess.

It’s actually kind of a tiresome and boring tradeoff.

Anyway, as a result of my not wanting to get off at 9th to navigate an overwhelming noisehaze alone, I stayed and transferred with Ericat to the 2/5, hopping off at Church Ave to ride home. I tend to forget how much I prefer a busy urban(ish) ride to my late night excursions down FHP. When I think about navigating Flatbush traffic on a bike, it seems like a nightmare, but once I’m on the road, it’s all mashing between cars as fast as I can with a huge smile on my face.

Also, I found a bunch of comics in front of BofA the other day. That was tight.

She blamed it on the ahahahalcohol.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 3:31 pm and is filed under blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.